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Troi

So after months of trying to improve my knowledge of mental health, I have finally made some progress.

In July I was meant to go on a Mental Health First Aid course which got cancelled. I had tried previously in May but didn't get a place on the course, although someone who did attend told me there were plenty of spaces. Going back to the start of the year, I saw the local college advertise in the local paper that courses were available, only to go along and to be told they actually didn't start until September(!)

So this week I tried again. This time I found out that my details that were supposed to be on file had been lost. It's like there's a conspiracy afoot to keep me from learning stuff! It was a little upsetting quite frankly because although I have been coping with other life hurdles lately, they were generally every day things whereas this determines more of a future for me, not only in how I could be spending my time for the next few months but what could also be a potential new career direction for me. I decided to attend the college open day regardless and finally after jumping through a series of enrollment hurdles, I am now signed up to do a course on the Foundations of Counselling beginning towards the end of September!

I have always been a cynical soul by nature but after the troubles of the past few years, I find that all I want to do is help people and repay society for all the help it's given me. Helping other people makes me feel better about myself so I don't feel like a useless waste of space. The volunteer work I do at the work club makes me feel tons better and doing more along those lines is the next logical step. I have been trying for months to build up to offering my services to the Citizen's Advice Bureau but I find that difficult as it's more of a regular working environment and it just brings up all the stuff about being mistreated in my last job. I don't want to be told I'm crap again. I doubt it would be like that with CAB and I'm sure any help would be appreciated but it's still difficult to take that step.

It's easy to dismiss friends and family telling you that you're good at something and you should do more of it because if you have low self-esteem, you talk yourself into believing that they're just saying that to be nice. When it's your CBT therapist who tells you that they think you'd make a good counsellor on more than one occasion, then you listen. This is someone who's in the biz so if they think I would be good at counselling then maybe I should listen and act upon it...which is what I've done.

It's a big step and something I could not have even considered this time a year ago. I have reoccurring bad dreams about being at school / university so actually doing it for reals is a big deal. It means learning new things and meeting new people and going to different places. Will they like me? Will I be any good at it? Will I take any of it in? Luckily the thought of wanting to do it is outweighing the negative voices so it looks like I am going to be a student again!

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
aflaminghalo
Aug. 20th, 2015 05:09 pm (UTC)
~hugs~ Stomp those negative voices in the face.
count_libido
Aug. 21st, 2015 10:31 am (UTC)
Trying to. As long as it all seems more exciting than daunting in my head then I should be able to keep the nerves in check.
zoefruitcake
Aug. 21st, 2015 11:28 am (UTC)
I'm sure you have a lot to offer people
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )