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Doubts

I'm starting to feel some doubts and anxiety about my course. I am glad that I'm doing it but I start to question whether or not it's too much for me? Is it too much to take in? Can I handle it? Do the people on the course like me or dread having to sit next to me? The last one being something you can't really express out loud without sounding crazy. I am glad it's half term next week so I can catch up on my reading and making sure that the stuff we've learned so far can sink in.

Most of my close friends have moved across country this year so I don't get to see them as much and I miss them. Trying to make new friends isn't easy and despite all the CBT I've had, I still can't shake the feeling that there must be something about me, something I give off, that makes me unlikable. Maybe my cheerful facade isn't as convincing as I'd like it to be. Despite this however, I don't believe that cutting yourself off or resenting people is the right thing to do. The right thing to do is be nice to people. If you can make someone's day brighter by just being nice to them then it's the right thing to do. After all, who doesn't appreciate being cheered up and thinking that people aren't as bad as they're made out to be on the news? This is one of the reasons I want to learn more about counselling. If I can do something to make someone's life better then I want to do it. Pay it forward as the saying goes. I may not be politically active or fit enough to do events for charity but maybe that's not where my strengths lie. Maybe I can be good at helping people in other ways.

Like I say though, I wonder if I'm up to it. When I was volunteering at the work club this week, one of our regular clients came in feeling very upset. I think the contact with us must help as she often arrives in a state but leaves feeling happy and cracking jokes. When she arrived, she got very upset and the others said encouraging things to make her feel better. I felt at a loss of something to say. It was partly due to genuinely not knowing the right thing to say and partly because the part of my brain that was thinking about counselling was telling me that platitudes weren't the way to go. If it had been a client / counsellor session, I knew I would just listen to her (which is what I tried to do) and saying things like 'cheer up, it's not that bad' wouldn't be the constructive thing to say. Yes they might apply a plaster but not cure the wound and as a counsellor isn't that what I'd be supposed to do? Would the correct approach be to employ some active listening and empathy and just let the client vent until they'd cleared their system of the bad feelings? I don't know, but then again it's 5 weeks into a entry level course so I shouldn't expect myself to have all the answers. I just felt bad that I couldn't find the right words to say just like when we practised counselling in class for the first time the other week. What if I can't find the right thing to say? What if I'm no help at all? What if I would make a rubbish counsellor? I would feel like I'd let myself down yet again and once more be left with no direction for the future. I just hope I am up to the task.

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
pete23
Oct. 25th, 2015 04:17 pm (UTC)
As you say five weeks in... Plus, as you know, not every problem is solved by counselling! Sometimes there just isn't a right thing to say.

Enjoy half term.
zoefruitcake
Oct. 26th, 2015 12:13 pm (UTC)
I find it very hard to find something to say, even if I am overflowing with sympathy for their situation. An old LJ friend posted something on Facebook at the weekend with a list of things that women shouldn't say to each other. I found many of them were things I'd say, like 'look at you!' if they were looking really nice. So apparently even the things I've been saying for years are wrong, and that just means I will end up saying less and less in a social situation

I think you are up to it, btw
heartonsnow
Oct. 26th, 2015 03:26 pm (UTC)
It was only in her opinion tho. We have to say what we feel is right. (Some people are joke-bitchy or sarcastic and that is just a personality trait, not everyone gets on)

(sorry hi-jacking comments again!)
heartonsnow
Oct. 26th, 2015 03:23 pm (UTC)
You should have more of an idea of what to say when you have completed the course. (Please post and tell us because I am curious how some counsellors are so good and some are useless and some make it worse)

It might take more energy for you to complete the course that others but keep keeping on!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )