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I am finding it difficult to summon up the enthusiasm for the new Star Wars film as the rest of the geek community seems to be doing. On the one hand the signs and portents appear to be good as it seems like the film is in good hands and practical effects, a plot and decent actors are taking the forefront over a reliance on too much CGI but on the other hand, I remember waiting for the Phantom Menace and the prequels in general and getting disappointed.

I remember going to see The Phantom Menace and a friend telling us it was important that we stay right to the very end of the credits (this was in the days before Marvel films and their post-credit extras) because there was something really cool alleged to happen. So we sat there for ages waiting for the endless list of names to scroll past and all we got was the sound of Darth Vader's wheeze. Needless to say our friend was bombarded by much popcorn.

These days I learn to keep an open mind about new films. When new details are trickled out and the internet goes into apoplectic meltdown because some element of canon isn't being adhered to, it usually turns out to be a big fuss over nothing. Even bring back Mad Max after so long proved not to be the huge disaster than some fans predicted it would be. So while I don't think The Force Awakens is going to pull a Phantom Menace on us and I remain hopeful it will be the Star Wars we enjoy, I am not one of these people who simply must see it at midnight on the day it comes out in full cosplay.

Why? Because what was a big part of my geek history is now tainted with the memory of an ex-friend and bug Star Wars fan who let me down very badly.

Isn't it shit when that happens? When something you enjoy very much becomes intrinsically linked with someone who's nothing but a bad memory and that association means you can't enjoy it any more? We used to watch The Clone Wars series together which I used to download for this person. I haven't seen a single episode of Star Wars Rebels because fuck that guy. I love My Lego but I won't touch the Star Wars stuff. This week I even put two of my Master Replica Force FX lightsabers up for sale on E-Bay because I don't want them any more as they remind me of a time in my life that feels sour to me now. It's like being unable to listen to a favourite song because it was 'your song' with an ex-girlfriend. It's not the same as it used to be.

I wish I could glean enjoyment from the Star Wars universe but I can't anymore. I really hope that no one I know who shares my love of music, comics, Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead does the dirty on me because I'd be royally fecked off if I couldn't enjoy those any more either!