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November 4th, 2017

Fitting In

If there's one good thing about the invention of the internet it's that there's a website out there somewhere that once you find it makes you think "It's not just me! I'm not alone!"

But what do you do when you find one of those sites but you still feel like you don't fit in?

I dip my toe into a lot of interests. On the one hand, I feel like I know enough about a lot of subjects to sustain a conversation with someone who's into that thing but on he other hand, I feel like a jack of all trades and a master of none. If you talk to me about most interests, I will usually have something intelligent to say about it rather that the usual instant cliched comments you've heard a million times before. However from my point of view, I sometimes feel like I have no real home?

I associate with many different cultural groups; goth, indie kid, geek, comic nerd, steampunk, cosplayer, LARP, metal, bookworm, various sexual identities, film obsessive, sci-fi guy, gamer but I don't think I could ever choose one majority interest and commit to it. This is why personally I could never have a tattoo. I have nothing against tattoos and realise they can have lots of personal significance to people, but I don't think there is one symbol that means enough to me that I want it added indelibly to my body. Sure, I could have one for every interest that represents me but even in each respective field there isn't one that sums it all up for me.

I feel like a Venn diagram. Here I am in the middle of many things, but I see the people in the other circles all having a good time enjoying the thing they like but I can't quite associate with them or shake the feeling that they'll just think I'm a tourist.

I see a lot on sites that I like, but is it enough for me and more importantly, is it enough for anyone else?